When Follow Through is Too Much

Most people would consider follow-through and dedication a good trait to have and I have them in abundance. So, most people would consider me perfect, right? Well, as close as I may be, it is completely wrong. When I commit to something, I am committed 120%, for better or for worse. When I say something, no matter how wrong it is I will stick to my guns until I have everyone convinced. When I do something, I will follow it through, no matter what direction it takes, until it is too late. Let me share a little story.

My story needs a foundation, that foundation is anger problems. I don't need to go into details, all you need to know is I had them. I don't think I have them any more, but every now and then a bit of that old anger will emerge, thankfully it gets better and better, not the anger, but the lack of anger. Living in a country that is not your own, will bring out your anger whether you have a history of anger problems or not. My anger just happens to show a little more than others, probably because of this history. Again, I should say it is not as bad as it once was.

In the city that I live I look different, than the Chinese people. No big deal, usually, but it means I have people stare and shout “HELLO!” in my face as I walk around doing my own business. For the most part, I try and have grace and go on with my life.

Yesterday evening, traffic was bad, the bus was crowded and I was slightly annoyed. When I got to my stop, I had traffic literally stopped because a taxi driver and his passenger were staring at me. Normally I would move on, but this time, out of no where and totally uncontrollably and with a mind of its own my right arm lifted up and my fist slammed the top of the taxi, then I walked around it.

The taxi driver got out of his taxi and started yelling at me, so I made some rude gestures and yelled back, “Why the hell are you staring at me!” As this was going on, in my mind I knew two things. First, I knew I shouldn't have hit his car, he was just looking at me because I'm beautiful. Second, I knew if he walked over to me I would follow through with my actions even if that meant a fistfight. I waited, part of me a little concerned at what I had done and what I might do, part of me hoping I could show this staring man what a pretty girl is made of, in a not so nice way.

It ended with him getting back in his car and me walking away. Major mistake avoided, minor mistake too late to fix. What will happen next time you ask? Hopefully next time I won't hit the taxi, but if I do, all I know is this follow-through problem is not going to be fixed any time soon.